I am having a hard time keeping myself from reacting like a brat about being a 'military wife.' Of course there is so much to be grateful for, specifically in John's case because he has served almost 6 years, and we have never been separated during our marriage for longer than 5 days, and we were able to talk on the phone during that week...and THAT was even hard for me. But now that the ship is nearing it's finishing touches, they will be doing lots of 'fast-cruises' and short sea-trial/deployments this month, and I broke down and cried last night.
This is the ship John currently powers...in the very bottom.
CVN-77 George H. W. Bush aircraft carrier
I removed some of this blog so I won't get in trouble regarding info on john's ship...just know that I miss John a lot, and his schedule is getting more and more hectic!
. I know there are so many 'at leasts' to think about (i.e.'at least he is not going to be in combat'), but considering I will be 36 weeks this Xmas, it's not totally unlikely that he may miss the birth. I realize how much I really depend on him and miss him, but I have matured enough since the beginning of our marriage, to know that I can't be a brat about it, when he's the one having to go through all of this and work even worse shifts on the ship...he said it will be 10 hours of work, 5 hours sleep, 10 hours work, 5 hours sleep etc...I don't know if I will be able to be in contact with him but I pray that the time goes by quickly for both of us, and that Lucas holds out for January.
The Lone Sailor statue Norfolk, VA
SO, I usually try to do something different when he goes away for a few days to make him happy when he returns. Like earlier this year when he went to Pittsburgh for 5 days, I went on a detox diet and lost 7 lbs and looked pretty for him. Another time I got my hair cut short because he liked seeing the back of my neck. I guess I need a goal to occupy myself with to distract me from the void he leaves. We are trying to see this as 2 last years of belonging to the Navy, and then we are homefree. But that time seems so much longer when we realize Lucas will be 2 years old!
BUT John recently heard through the grapevine at work that there is a shortage of the crew in upstate NY (where we spent our first 3 years) and they are offering to move some nukes (john's title) back up there for the remainder of whatever time they have left to serve- meaning no re-enlisting. And more importantly, meaning NO DEPLOYMENTS. Wouldn't it just be amazing if for the whole 8 years John served, if he never once had to go on a deployment? It would be a dream come true especially now that we have Lucas who will need his daddy there with him everyday. We don't know how much of this rumor is true, how likely it is that John will be chosen, or all the other details, but I am praying for it. It will be very challenging to get this house ready and sold, or rented out, and be financed for a property up in NY, where property taxes are HIGH, but it will be worth it to have Lucas' father with him during one of the most important times in his life, (~2years) when his capacity for learning is at an all-time high.
UPDATE: John found out from someone who talked to the detailer, that we won't be qualifying to go to NY; you have to have qualified a certain warfare thing which you can do if you are out to sea. Oh well..I realized moving back there would be a step backward financially..it would just be worth it to be together everyday. Either way, we still have only 2 years left and we'll get through it as always.
But I realize I have it worlds easier than many military wives, and need to buck up and deal with the challenges in the next 2 years. I just needed to whine about it to someone besides John, who is really the one getting screwed over. This month will go by soooooooooooooooooo slow now!
7 comments:
Totally. I'm upset when Brandon's gone all day and night from work and school. But I still get to see him at night. The longest we've been seperated from each other has been 5 days. I agree it's hard. I feel bad Samantha. The first years are really important for you guys and Lucas. It's the time that goes by the fastest. I think the first kid is different too. Everything is new and exciting in a different way then if you were having your second. Hopefully you'll get it how you want and John will get to be home with his babies for the 2 years he has left. Stay strong both of you.
I knew i'd get sympathy from my non-military friends lol! Yeah, all I can do is hope for the best, and make john's homelife as good as possible. He is coming home early tonight fortunately, and we are having a game night here with mom susan and norm.
But as for his deployments this month, I will try to make it go by fast by keeping somewhat busy (although sleeping is getting more and more appealing now) and I will have the car so I can go to the YMCA and swim a little bit. I just really hope it goes by fast for john too, and that he is home in time for lucas. I know he will forever hold it against the navy if he misses the birth.
BUT there are some good things about short deployments like this; i think they really help a marriage stay strong when you learn to really miss the other and realize how much of your life they have become. him going out to sea has worried me in the back of my mind since the day we were married, and we knew it would come sooner or later, but i still can't give up hope that he will mcguyver his way out of a 6 month deployment!! we'll see!
thanks for caring sarah + brianne
I could not imagine Bill leaving me now being 32 weeks pregnant. I am so sorry Sam.
Time will fly though. :) I will pray for you!
Hi Sam!
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with the schedule. I didnt even think about it being hard for others when nick told me about it. Mostly because the last 3 years for us have had 2 deploymens (6 month +) and 9 underways (of 2 months or less.) With them only going out for a week at a time, it won't be bad at all. I promise. Just think, you get the whole bed to yourself! (hey, it's a great plus at the end of a pregnancy!)
I did want to let you know though. You have to be VERY careful about putting info about the ship out there like you have. John can actaully get into trouble for what you have put up if they look around for it. Because you have the name of the ship and the exact locations that it will be on what dates, it is a big deal. I know right now it doesnt seem like it because of it being precome still, but it kind of is. Espeically in the future, it is a huge OPSEC violation to put out dates and locations of a specific ship, and is a huge security risk for the guys. I'm not trying to be bitchy or anything, but I figured since you're new to the whole sea thing you might want a heads up before you found out the hard way. At our last command, I was meeting nick in HI for one of his ports there for a week. I had a site that said I see nick in "x" days, and even that date was 2 weeks off from when I actaully was going to be there and see him. I got a call from the ombudsman telling me to take it down immediatly, even though it was the wrong date, it put the ships name (if someone had found out what ship he was on because it wasnt on that site..) and a location together. It wasn't a pleasant call for me, so I'm just trying to keep you from getting somthign similar. We actually had issues with people putting things like that on their myspace and it ended up making them canceling one of their planned ports because it was deemed a security risk.
Anyway, enough of my little novel there! I hope you're doign well! We'll have to get together sometime soon. I'm glad you guys only have a couple years left, Nick and I have been at a dea tour for 4 years now, he's been home for 1 of those, the rest have been at sea. It's a rough life, but you're tough, you can make it.
Hi lindsay,
Yeah, I realize you and Shawna for instance, have definitely had a more typical 'military wife' experience. But I think you overestimate my 'strength!' It's sad to admit that I am that emotionally dependent on him, but I also think we just have a really good marriage that has grown so much in the past almost 5 years. I mean, our communication is what really makes us want to be around each other you know? I love learning from him. We truly share many of the same goals, and logic/feelings on issues, and we have both matured so much...I mean, I really notice how much more of a man he is now, and how willing he is to express his love & respect for me. I let him know these things all the time. He keeps me on an even keel. So, I know the week-or-so long deployments won't be that bad, it's just amplified with the end of this pregnancy looming!
And yes-sometimes the bed space is nice, but i'll take my snoring, sleeptalking, exhausted drooler over more space any time! *ESPECIALLY when that drooler helps you do your '6 point maneuver' to get up and pee in the middle of the night!
Thanks for the heads up about the confidentiality thing- i didn't think I was giving out crucial info, but I can see how any little detail can be a security risk. I'm surprised John didn't tell me- he reads my blogs lol.
i better get to bed- hope you, Gavin + Nick have a happy Christmas!
Samantha*
Nick nad I do have a wonderful marriage as well, despite the fact that we haven't had very much of it together. Actaully, I would venture to say that the time apart has made us stronger than our time togehter has. Like you I love to be around my husband, and love to talk to him, and just hear what he's thinking. There's nothing I like better than that hour after gavin goes to bed where we just sit on the couch and talk. Just to see what's going through eachothers heads, and what we hope for eachother and gavin for the future.
I really believe that the real deployments, not the small underways, are what have built our marriage to be as strong as it is. When they are gone for 6 months or more, you really learn to communicate in new ways, and become more effective in communicating with eachother. It also takes a tremendous amount of trust. On both parts. Not only for the faithfulness in the marriage (which hasn't been a concern for us obviously) but jsut the every day life decisions. Nick had to really trust me that I would take care of the house and finances, and be sure that I was communicating with his family and keeping them informed for as much as they could know. To me, that was really strengthening becuase I knew he really trusted me, and had faith in me to take care of everything around the house.
I don't think I'm 'overestimating' your strength, I think you actaully underestimate yourself, and your strength as a wife, and a woman. You will do great, you just have to keep yourslef positive. When I say "at least you get the bed to yourself" thats me being positive. Of course I'd much rather have nick there, but, if I can't, I'm going to say "hey, at least I can stretch out and sleep in the middle of the bed" instead of "I'd rather him be here to cuddle, now I'll be cold all night"
The same for duty nights that we'll be coming into. I make them into my "personal" nights. Meaning I take a bath, I paint my nails, I read a book, anything I want to do, that way I can do my best to enjoy my evening despite the fact that my best friend isnt there to share the evening with me. The first 2 years of our marriage I cried and was miserable because he was gone. It truly made my life misreable. Now that I've come to try and find the positives in stuff, it doesnt mean i miss him any less, it just means I'm trying to focus on other things to enjoy what I do have. Let me tell you, I've found otu so much about myself, and who I am, and what I enjoy on my own, which has really helped our relationship as well because now when nick asks me somthing, I have an opinion, and he enjoys knowing more about me. He's said it's interesting now becuase it's not always "what do you want to do" "I dont care you pick" Now I have an opinion, and he enjoys knowing that even if we are sitting and reading a book, that I'm enjoying myself, I'm not doing it because he said he wanted to, so I agreed.
All I'm saying is try to stay positive. I know its hard, believe me, I've been there, I've been there a million times over. I'm jsut trying to help you out and save you from going through the same misery that I did. Maybe one night when the guys have duty you can come over here and we can have a girls night. Watch girly movies, eat junk food, just whatever. Enjoy life. :)
I know I'll be fine- I just miss him much! But it looks like their schedules have changed yet again, so we'll hope for the best---i really really hope they don't have any deployments in january which would most likely mean he will miss lucas' birth.
Anyway, you know, I have "personal" nights most every night lol. I take a hot bath and read a lot. I am excited to occupy my time with lucas soon- and to see john as a daddy, another lovable side of him that I have wanted to see for so long. They say a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she is pregnant, and a man becomes a father when his baby is born. I think that is probably true- although john has been excited about every part of the pregnancy and still gets so giddy when he sees or feels lucas move*.
well this comp chair makes my back hurt like a biotch, but thanks for the encouragement- lets keep our fingers crossed that our men get out tonight and not tomorrow morning!
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