Olivia's Baptism....

Well last night was a rough night. My flank pain is back with a vengeance and my nausea is worse. I took a bath and went to sleep. At 3:30am, I woke up to feed Olivia and had just had a nightmare. I can't explain it because it doesn't make sense, but in the early morning hours it's hard to shake a nightmare from seeming real even after you wake up. I dreamed John had died, and I was so alone and scared---I had re-married a man that looked just like John, but was so sad to realize this guy didn't have the same memories John and I did...and in the dream, he was trying to stay alive after a car accident but the doctors let him die. It's a horrible feeling to wake up to. I was crying and squeezing John and told him my dream. He said, "Oh baby don't worry you're going to have to deal with me for a lot longer!" It made me feel a little better, and I know it's selfish but in some ways I hope I am first to go---considering my health factors, it just may be!

Anyway, we all went back to sleep until around 6am. It is "that time of the month," so I expected cramping, but in addition to the really bad kidney pain, and intense nausea, it was unbearable. My kidney stones are causing my kidney to be too strained and possibly infected. But I want to wait and go to the urologist tomorrow if possible, instead of wait at urgent care. I contemplated postponing the baptism for a while, but realized it was going to take forever to re-schedule when John would be home, and Fr. Abe is leaving to a new church in another month. I was able to get ready through the pain, while John thankfully got both babies ready. I was very impressed with John today :)

I called my mom and she came over to help us too. John went and picked up some dramamine since it's the only thing he could find for nausea. I took tylenol and motrin for cramps/back pain, and dramamine for nausea...needless to say I was a little out of it. I must've seemed odd to the church, because I couldn't get Olivia when she was crying--John had to deal with her, and I couldn't keep my eyes open for some of it. I tried to seem pleasant but I doubt I succeeded. The pain was constant, but it waned here and there--during one of those high points, I felt optimistic and grateful and was about to grab John's hand. I was surprised to feel him grab mine before I even moved. It made me feel good that John took the initiative to take care of all of us.

Olivia was a little whiney, but didn't mind the water during the baptism too much. She was very cute. Mom generously took care of a hyper Lucas. And Callie helped too! Eileen and Charles are Olivia's Godparents (as well as Lucas') and they have been so helpful ever since we met them 2 yrs ago when they were our sponsors for confirmation.
It was a nice ceremony, and I really wish we could have had a reception (didn't even pick up the cake yet..) but my body was just not up to it. Eileen's brother Mike has had multiple kidney stones and confirmed that the pain is beyond belief. It's terrifying and I hope they give me that morphine quick! It's almost like having another baby---I don't want to get there too late for pain meds like I did with Lucas, and almost with Olivia!
I came home and we had a little Hodge Family Nap and I am feeling a little better. I didn't get as many pictures as I would've liked, and didn't have a reception at all, but the most important thing is that we are all happy Olivia has been baptized in the church.Thank you to Lina, Kathleen, Cindy + Pete, Stephanie + Larry, Tara + Mike, Vikki, Eileen and Chuck and I am sorry to have to cancel the reception. I still very much appreciated your showing up! (And thanks to little Peter for his 'prayers concocted to break up my kidney stones'...lol)

Thanks be to God.