I can't feel my mouth

Last night was horrible. I ended up getting up at 3 am because I had this strong urge to pee but the catheter/balloon was still in and I am supposed to just let it drain. I couldn't lay down comfortably to relieve my right kidney; it feels like it's so tender and raw from the surgery so the coiled up stent wire is constantly jabbing it.

I called the urologist on call again, crying because I want everything taken out. I want the catheter out, and the dang stent too. He said if they take out the stent now, it's guaranteeing worse pain because the ureter tube will be weak, fragile and deflated, and it will be impossible to pee, let alone pass small stone fragments. He said I could deflate the saline balloon and pull the catheter out, but I was so scared of having that contracting kidney reflux pain.

This doctor was much nicer and considerate and gave me options. We compromised and agreed I would take out the foley catheter and he would have the ER doctors prescribe me the hospital grade opiate Dilaudid. I had to personally pick it up since it's a controlled substance, related to morphine.

John helped me stand in the bath, cut the saline tube to drain the balloon, and slowly pull the bloody catheter out. I then sat on the toilet barely pushing pee out to see if the reflux pain was still bad, as I hugged John's legs. That man has seen me in the most uncomfortable and unflattering moments of my life and still loves me!

Thankfully all the drugs I am taking are at least taking the edge off. I think I will sleep tonight. I cannot say thank you enough to Susan, my mom, and John. I am also very grateful for my tricare insurance--this procedure costs $30,000. My insurance deductible is only $150, which I've already met for the year, so they cover 80% of the cost, and there is also a $1,000 catastrophic cap for the year, which I have paid ~$600 of. That means, if we pay ~$400 before the year is up, everything will be covered 100%! And this is with whatever civilian doctor or specialist I choose to see.

I can't feel my mouth or lips, but the pain is a little less intense so I am doing okay now. No longer want to die. I can barely stay awake now so I am gonna lay down while the babies are entertaining each other. John has been taking care of me since he came home thursday night---I surprised him with a gift:

I bought him this Ipod Itouch because I know he said he wanted one but we should save money. He rarely indulges in things he wants and I never spend that much money without permission, but I have been taking care of the bills and it was within our budget. He was shocked and very happy with it, and it will make the deployments a little easier. He is already downloading fun games on it. Last night at the ER as the nurse was putting in my IV, they started talking about John's Itouch--it was kinda funny and I didn't care since I was getting drugged up and relieved of intense pain.

I love my family and times like these make me very grateful for all I have. What would I have done if mom and Susan weren't here and John was on a deployment? Probably died. Or at least have wanted to. Hope none of you ever get stones. thanks for reading.