Some Concerns

I haven't been as forthcoming with some concerns I've had recently, mainly because I know most people will write me off as just being a paranoid mom. I hope that is all it is. I know it's very early to know anything for sure, so it's really just another waiting game, and of course praying.


    While it's been an adjustment to balance things with L & O, and Frankie,  (especially when John works--he's been such a huge help, I am so grateful for his unending acts of love) and nursing presented it's own challenges, I am very happy to have my little baby Frankie, and thankful that I am able to pump a lot of milk for him. I know that right now it's kind of hectic as far as giving as much time and attention to L & O, and I think we all try to compensate for that- we even took them bowling 2 nights ago (they loved it)---thank God they have each other to play with. So those 2 concerns (my milk, and neglecting the kids) are pretty much fixed. I wasn't too concerned about the jaundice, since it was expected. I didn't supplement with formula like the dr's wanted, because my milk finally came in, and I can see he is drinking around 24 oz a day now,  (which is on the high end actually) and pooping/peeing a lot.

    For the past week I have been concerned that Frankie is not interested in my face, or any face, and his eyes never focus, no eye contact. Yes he is only 2 weeks old, but I can only compare him to my other 2 as babies, and yes I know newborns have blurry vision but for ~8 inches from their face, and colors are pretty much limited to black white and red. But call it a mother's instinct, I sense there is something wrong. I first thought of the possibility of a vision problem, or blindness. But I know he responds to light and dark, so then it turned to a behavioral or mental concern. In fact the only time his eyes seem interested or focused (and the only times he smiles) is when he dreams---most of the time that  he has his eyes open, he is dreaming. I chose not to share these concerns except with John, because I know everyone will say the same things:
--he's only 2 weeks, it's too early
--you can't compare babies, every baby is different
--his vision isn't developed yet

That all may be true, and I hope I am just paranoid. But it doesn't take away the worry, so I am giving it to God and praying for the grace to take the best care of my babies regardless of what may or may not be wrong.  Frankie was unexpected, and considering how late we conceived, we feel it was God's will that we have another baby. That said, I know we are blessed with his arrival, and love him tremendously already. I just want to be as prepared as we can be, and also look into what if anything can be done etc.

   The other concern I had, was something called a "sacral dimple". Right above his butt crack, there was a little indentation, that was dark. I never paid attention to it, but then Susan noticed it was dark because there was some dark hair in the middle. I researched it a bit, and read that although sacral dimples are somewhat common, and harmless, they sometimes can be indicative of neural tube defects like spina bifida occulta, and more so if they have hair. There are even some dimples that are actual holes all the way to their spinal column. Frankie's is not an open hole, and it's not a LOT of hair, but I was still perturbed that the drs didn't say anything about it in the hospital when the on-call pediatrician checked him over. I read that when there is hair, dr's should perform an ultrasound just to be sure the spinal column is complete. Unfortunately, the pediatrician we initially saw, doesn't accept patients that don't fully vaccinate, so I only recently found a new pediatrician and he has his first appt tomorrow morning. I did however express my concern over the phone with the former dr that won't accept him, and she said "if he's moving his legs and arms equally he's fine". Then I remembered when we went to her office for his first checkup, she had a big banner on her window advertising "$49 ear piercings"...I guess that should tip me off to how serious a doctor she is.

    I know that she probably won't be able to know much about his vision/eye contact at this point, but I hope we can get some closure on this sacral dimple thing. I hope I am just jumping the gun, and Frankie begins to focus and smile within his first month, like the books say. I just have video of Lucas staring right at me at 1 week of age, and soonafter, smiling and focusing on a light up toy we bought him. John Susan and I have been trying to get him excited and interested in our faces when we hold him, without success, so I can't shake this. I have faith that if anything is wrong, things will all work out, I just want him to be healthy and happy and know he is loved. :)

On a lighter note, here is Lucas' drawing he made tonight. Word for word:
"this is me, and this is daddy, and this is daddy's phone" haha. Guess he knows all 3 of them are inseparable :)