It is Done!

I auditioned and failed for American Idol 2011. I had so many second-thoughts and second-second-thoughts, but ultimately it became something most of my mind thought of as a fateful quest I had to complete to get out of my system. Soon it would be too late to even say I tried out. I left by myself at around 4:30am and there was no traffic. As my nerves crept in, I started dreading it and wanting to hurry and get home back to my life and my family. But I continued anyway, seeing it as my last little shenanigan before giving up these false hopes!

    I parked pretty far and started walking to get in line. This is such a dumb pic...but I didn't get many..I was being rushed and this sign said "American Idol" just before my stupid camera flash had charged..ugh.




    The line was already huge, and we stood/sat outside, as the sun came up, in the hottest part and time of Texas, for 4 hours..already sweaty and tired. All so the Idol cameras could get their big shots of the crowd. The cameras were all interviewing people that were dressed dorky or had some gimmick...this guy dressed like pokemon i think, to support his sister:

And the sun started coming up, on an already humid sticky morning:

I befriended some nice girls in line and we practiced a bit and talked about things we have in common. Like kids, music and farts--you know, all the typical stuff you talk about with strangers. :)
This is my new friend Kristine:



She sang a Regina Spektor song really well. I was going back and forth between "Destiny" and "Too Far Gone". When we finally were allowed into the stadium, we were seated according to our tickets so I got separated from the girls I liked :(. There were about 9 sections full of contestants, each section had >800 people....They started doing dorky group songs like "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters, and doing things for the camera, like saying "I'M THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL! TEXAS BRINGS HEAT!" I didn't think I was too good to do those things, I just was drained from the heat and had to drink water and sit down and eat my fiber one bar lol. I'm 27 ya know!

Neverending....



  
So they began allowing the first rows down to sing for 11 desks of low-level producers. It was obviously a very slow process even while in groups of 4. I saw a few golden tickets given out and then had to get out and walk around. I met up with a girl I met at the Voice auditions and we practiced. So many people were singing in the halls to practice and their voices filled the stadium--my falsely-semi-inflated ego (due to sounding 'good' in the shower or while driving) was deflated as I realized I don't measure up at all. I just don't have the power behind my voice like these people. There were so many times when I thought I would leave, but some part of me was determined to stay the course.
The setup:



    I didn't have any other food or drink with me so after a few more hours, I went to get something to eat and drink---and I got plain nachos..(so much for weight watchers..) Pretty much the healthiest option...And I moved to the area where parents and friends wait to see if their 'idol' made it or not. It was nice to be alone and not crammed together. I got so sad when I saw little babies and toddlers....First, I was sad because I felt so bad that people would bring their babies to something like this, waiting for hours on end, undoubtedly running out of food and milk or diapers etc, not letting them have a nap in their beds...not really caring for them in this huge stadium. Then, I got sad thinking about my babies...I really felt out of place--I missed my babies and my Johnny. I texted him a bit but after 9 hours, my battery was dying.
  Getting away for a bit:


     Finally my section was escorted down and I got in a group of 4. Felt like I was literally going to pee my pants. Considering i've had L + O, it was possible to uncontrollably pee...I was in a group of 16 yr olds singing Lady Gaga (the girl was so beautiful...wish she didn't sing that pokerface crap though..) and Alicia Keys. It came my turn and I did "Too Far Gone" by Emmylou Harris. I did pretty well considering my nerves. The 2 producers talked behind some papers and then told me I had a good voice, but was not the level they were looking for at the time...Which is probably what they told everyone without golden tickets lol.

   12 hours, built up to that 30 seconds of scared singing and a "sorry you are not a winner. please try again". I was relieved. I really don't know why my subconscious made this into a duty, but my uh, regular conscious was totally relieved to be free, albeit disappointed. Unfortunately, we were thrown back out in the 104 degree humid heat, where our cars were baking. Had to drive with a towel on the wheel at first. I couldn't wait to get back to my family. I am glad to be where I belong. :) I can't say it was fun, but I can say I tried and that I learned that although I am not a real 'singer', I love music and I love learning songs and odd chords and performing open mics. Maybe in the future when the babies are older, I can make something out of that and possibly form a band that i've always wanted to. Who knows.

I did get so many compliments on my hair though--once again I recommended your tutorials Iris lol.
     The good news is, LUCAS POOPED IN THE POTTY AGAIN TODAY! I love my kids :) They made me feel so loved when I got home and they had missed me. Olivia almost fell over!
This was our dancy-time tonight--Lucas was really excited and getting down to some Big Band music :) Made me feel so happy to come home.

P.S. My new friend Kristine got through to round 2 with more producers tomorrow! Glad I got that pic with her. Nice gal--has 3 kids ! She is staying in touch with me even when she's all buddy-buddy with Ryan Seacrest lol.